What Do You Really Want?

 

What do you really, really want?

Not what you think others want you to want. Not what you believe is socially acceptable to want. Not what you think you’re capable of achieving.

No, what do you really want?

This is one of the most important questions any of us can contemplate. It’s a question that’s often at the heart of a coaching journey.

You don’t have to know how to get what you want. Once you know what you want, you’ll figure out the how. Step by step and day by day.

You’ll become more attuned to opportunities that could help you move forward. You’ll become more discerning about what to decline, because it doesn’t serve your larger vision.

Now that we’re one quarter of the way through 2021, it’s a good time to pause and reflect. How is your year going so far? Is it what you intended? And what do you really want?

 

Take a Break, Already!

We’re at about the one-year mark for our stay-at-home lives to stop Covid-19. There’s light of the end of the tunnel. People are wearing masks and socially distancing. Case positivity rates are dropping. More vaccine doses are becoming available.

And yet there’s also a sense of extreme fatigue. Time has taken on odd proportions. Days blend into nights. Days becomes weeks. Weeks become a year.

As I contemplated the month of March, a feeling of sameness crept in. All I saw on the calendar was work, work, and more work. Don’t get me wrong. I love the work. And I’m thankful to have it.

But life is not solely about work. It’s about people. It’s about enjoyment. It’s about the journey.

What was missing from my calendar were all of those times. Time with friends. Time for fun. Time to simply BE.

It’s time to take a break already. As humans we’re wired to work, play, and rest. When it gets out of balance, everything suffers.

What’s a fun break you will take today?

 

What Would Make It Simple?

Life can be endlessly complex, no? More technology, more commitments, and more goals and dreams. Layered over that is a global pandemic, climate change, social justice, and political polarization. It can make life feel especially heavy.

When overwhelm rears its head, as it often does, one question can help. It isn’t to imply that the challenges any of us faces are easy, or simple, or straightforward. But in any given moment, asking “what would made it simple?” can help you identify new ways to take action.

This blog is an example. I’ve posted to it each month for the last six years. There’s a phenomenon about “not breaking the chain.” Once you do something repeatedly, you accrue “check marks,” day after day, or month after month. As you rack up more check marks, it provides its own momentum to keep going. This is not my original idea, but it resonates with me.

So here it is, the last day of January. If I do not post to my blog by midnight, I will break the chain of 72 months of posting. Usually my posts are 500 or more words in length. But I don’t have 500 words to share right now. Life is busy and complex. So how can I make it easy? By sharing this question with you.

 

How True Can You Be on Social Media?

What do you share on social media when life is difficult? When life is even busier than normal because of pressures that come with living in the Covid era?

For me it’s meant I haven’t posted on social media as much in the last few months. In part it’s because my business is growing — consulting, coaching, speaking, and teaching — and I have more work to do. That’s a good thing. It’s a blessing in this environment.

Yet it also brings new pressures. How do I continue to deliver my best work? How do I scale my business to the next level? How do I automate certain processes and which ones?

The other part is just how difficult it’s been. The struggle. The juggle. The terror of wondering, day after day, will everything work out?

This part comes mostly from the steakhouse my husband opened in the summer of 2020, after two years in the making. The dream became reality, and Covid turned it into a nightmare. And we have lots of company in this strange space.

The good news is people love the restaurant. Tonight we’re delivering three times of the number of New Year’s Eve meals we estimated.

The bad news is takeout and delivery is not a sustainable business model. I understand why indoor and outdoor dining has been prohibited to help stop the spread of Covid. What’s harder is moving forward day after day when most of your ability to operate isn’t there, with 260 empty seats.

This has all run headlong into my guiding mantra to only share positive news and information on social media. My focus is providing insight and inspiration about personal branding, social media, and leadership that others may find valuable in their own professional lives.

Some words in a book I read this month crystallized the downside of this approach. “This is where we are now, endlessly cheerleading ourselves into positivity while erasing the dirty underside of real life,” says Katherine May. She’s the author of Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times.

The dirty underside of life right now, for many people, is it’s really hard. Life is difficult. It always has been, but the last year has brought it into sharp relief.

It’s okay to feel down. It’s okay to feel discouraged. It’s also good to connect with others and ourselves to be with the reality, at the same time as we strive to improve upon it. The dirty underside of real life is present. And that brings new challenges. Many of them are outside of our control. But our response remains within our control.

In my case, my operational, marketing, and human resources skills are increasing exponentially because things need to get done at the restaurant, and I’m doing them, working with a great team my husband has formed. Setting the uncertainty aside, this “dirty underside” is also a huge period of growth.

So I’m consciously shifting my mindset, as a strategy to get through this. The reality is present and unchangeable and a huge bummer. What is changing is me.

Also, a year goes by in a flash. Next year has the potential to be very different. Although Covid is sadly spiking now, a vaccine is on the way. There is light at the end of the tunnel. We will all have new skills, experiences, and perspectives from this time that we can apply to the future.

How about you? What parts of your real life are you struggling with? How are you growing and transforming as a result? What will be different and better a year from now?

 

Feeling Discouraged? Keep Swimming

As the adorable blue fish Dory said in the movie, Finding Nemo, when you’re lost and you don’t know where you’re going, just keep swimming.

That’s a great mantra for the strange and unprecedented year 2020 turned out to be. Everything is changing minute by minute. Change has always been in our lives. Yet before it was often imperceptible. Now, dynamic change sometimes feels like it’s happening every hour.

It’s in the shift to working from home, longer term. It’s in the shift in how we socialize virtually. It’s in practically every way we live our lives.

So if you feel lost, you’re not alone. No one really knows what will happen next. That can be scary. It can also open up a whole new world of possibilities. It’s a liminal moment — a transitional stage — where we’re betwixt and between the world as we knew it before Covid, and what the world will be like after it.

We still have agency in our own lives. We can pursue goals. We can connect with others. We can try new things. We can just keep going. What are you doing to keep swimming in this liminal time?

 

Another Way to Get to the Other Side

Is there hope on the other side of despair?

Yes, there is, says internet trend observer and investor Mary Meeker.

Mary and her team at Bond Capital released a report called Our New World in April of this year. It was about a month into our stay-at-home world to “flatten the curve” of the coronavirus.

The team “compiled observable trends that help form our views of the present and should provide insights into the future.” They are optimists, and rays of light are so welcome right now as we slog through this seemingly never-ending pandemic.

I added this report to the reading and discussion for the class I’m teaching (remotely) this fall at the USC Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism. It’s called Managing Technologies for Digital Media in the MS program in Digital Social Media.

Here’s the crux of the report: “None of what we are going through is comfortable, or fair. And while things will likely get worse before they get better, has America, perhaps, just gotten the wake-up call it needed to get to a better place? Let’s hope so, and let’s find the best ways to get to the other side as quickly and thoughtfully as possible.”

Getting to the other side is the game we’re all playing now. What do we need to do to get through today? And tomorrow? And the next day? Many people are struggling with loneliness from quarantines. Some friends tell me it’s hard to get motivated or excited about much of anything these days. And many jobs have evaporated and many businesses are prohibited from operating at full capacity.

Our family restaurant, for example, is only allowed to use 10% of its available seats — the ones outdoors. If there’s any good news, it’s that we’re in Southern California and we don’t have cold winters like much of the rest of the country and the world. My heart goes out to restaurateurs in colder climates who are installing igloos to serve diners.

The phone rang last night near closing time after a busy Friday night of outdoor dining. The hosts had already departed. I eyed the phone warily, not eager to answer it after a long day of various work projects that started in the early morning hours. But I picked it up with as much cheer as I could muster.

“Hello,” the caller said, “I ordered takeout tonight.” Silently, I prayed that all had gone well. “I don’t usually do this,” the caller continued. “But I wanted to tell you our meal was outstanding.”

At this point I exhaled. And smiled. “Usually we think of takeout as being less than,” he said. “This was anything but. We have a dinner reservation in a few weeks, and we can’t wait to come in.”

Well, wow. Just wow. That someone took the time to call and share their experience and their thanks was something to be truly grateful for. It re-energized me late in the evening. I couldn’t wait to share the feedback with the team who had worked so hard to make the experience memorable.

This made me wonder. Are we all viewing life as “less than” right now? Something to be endured? A time to live in suspended animation as we collectively wait for “the other side” to materialize?

If the game we’re playing is getting through each day as best we can to get to a “new normal” (or whatever we’ll call our post-Covid world), how can we up our game? In my last post, I wrote about a feeling of progress every day and making note of what was accomplished. Often it’s much more than we thought.

To that, here’s a new practice to consider adding. What can we each do or say every day to encourage someone else? What uplifting words or feedback can we share, whether in a text, on a video call, or on social media?

Because our words might be just the thing that helps someone who’s feeling discouraged to carry on. To keep trying. To keep striving. To ultimately get to the other side.

 

A Powerful Step to Take Every Day

Are you feeling out of sorts right now? I know I am.

Sometimes I wonder why. Then I remember there are five major reasons.

First, we are in the middle of global pandemic that has taken the lives of more than 200,000 people in the United States.

Second, we are experiencing the financial fallout of an economy closed down to fight Covid.

Third, we are in the midst of an important drive for social justice and equality.

Fourth, we are experiencing climate change more intensely with extreme heat and widespread fires.

And fifth, we are in the midst of a most unusual political environment, punctuated by a very odd presidential debate this week.

Our ‘Surge Capacity’ is Under Siege

Simply articulating those reasons brings relief. These are major issues to contend with. And it’s exhausting to do so, day after day after week after week after month after month.

In the words of Tara Haelle, writing on Medium, our “surge capacity” is depleted. Our ability to deal with an intense and ongoing crisis has reached a low point.

Ya think?

And yet …

And yet, hope lives on. As I often recount the many seemingly horrible things that happen on any given day while I can’t help but doomscroll through my news feed, I’ve found a positive practice.

A Powerful Daily Practice

Each day, I write down at least one good thing that happened. Often, there are many more than one. They often become obscured by the heaviness of everything else that’s going on in the world. But when I consciously call up the positive moments, I’m reminded of the importance of making progress every day, no matter how small the step seems.

It’s a concept articulated by Teresa Amabile and Steven Kramer in The Progress Principle. What motivates us most, they say, is the powerful feeling of making progress every day toward our most meaningful goals.

What I realized is there’s a great deal of progress happening every day. Those days add up to weeks and months and some really significant milestones.

For example, I’ve completed more than 100 coaching hours this year and a certification (next month) to go along with that. My husband Kevin opened a new restaurant last month, fulfilling a lifelong dream. Even though we’re limited to outdoor patio dining of about nine tables, people are loving the experience. My son is making progress toward his college degree through online courses. I’m fulfilling a dream of my own by teaching in an MS program for communications.

Good Things Take Time

Not only do these milestones indicate progress, but they also demonstrate the importance of patience. Often, good things take time. Here are just a few examples …

  • My coaching certification process: 1 year
  • Starting to teach at the graduate level: more than 1 year
  • Beginning work with an exciting new client: more than 1 year
  • Kevin’s restaurant: 2 years (really 23 if you count a snippet of a conversation from long ago).

Life goes on during a pandemic, during economic upheaval, during civil justice, during climate change, and during political campaigns. What are you doing to make progress in your life right now, every day?

Those are the actions to celebrate and to motivate you to carry on and make change. Those are exactly the sorts of things you can share on social media, to inform and inspire others.

What steps will you take today?

 

How to Thrive in a Year of Working from Home

Three aspects of Covid-19 stand out in August 2020.

First, transmission of the coronavirus is largely airborne through respiratory droplets, when people talk and interact.

Second, wearing a face covering and physically distancing are our individual best defenses against the virus.

And third, we’ll probably need to spend a lot of time at home as the virus rages on for the better part of a year.

Wow. Let that sink in. A year of remote work (and life), for those of us lucky enough to be in a profession that can be done outside of a physical office.

In my case, writing, consulting, coaching, speaking, and teaching can all be done remotely. The first three were already remote work activities. But how about speaking and teaching? Thankfully, they’ve both moved online to Zoom.

Since the pandemic sent us home in March, I’ve spoken (remotely) in several graduate school courses on digital communications and marketing. A highlight this fall will speaking in an executive education program. And a few interesting developments are happening in the teaching space, which I’ll share more about soon.

One question seems to loom large. Simply because an activity can be done remotely and online, does that mean it’s of the same or higher quality? Many people might say no. However, I disagree. Why? It’s an opportunity to innovate, experiment, and iterate. As we do that, it will be on a scale none of us has ever experienced before.

From Surviving to Thriving

For those who love to play in ambiguous spaces, this is a dream come true. Yet the uncertainty and capriciousness of the pandemic has pushed even me to crave a bit more structure and concreteness.

And while this might seem to be a matter of survival, I’d like to do more than simply grit my teeth and get through it. How about you?

As the renowned internet commentator Mary Meeker says of this pandemic period, we’re in the process of, “getting to the other side.”

What is the other side? And how long will it take to get there?

There’s no way of knowing for sure. So rather than feeling like a rudderless ship being tossed about in a storm, I choose to captain my own ship. I choose to create my own environment, to the greatest extent possible. I choose to thrive, rather than simply survive.

This topic of thriving is one I’ll explore in my upcoming writing. For today, I’ll couple this with my focus on boosting your career through social media. How do the two interact? It’s a topic I’ve written about this year on a few levels — from How to Pivot Your Personal Brand on Social Media to How to Engage People with Your Social Media Content.

With an eye toward thriving in a stay-at-home world, here are three ideas for making the most of your social media time.

Create a Learning Environment

Now is the time to experiment with social media. Within the bounds of respect for all people, it’s an ideal moment to try new types of content. See what resonates with your network. Use new features you may not have engaged with much before. Rarely share an Instagram story? Give it a whirl, play with the features, and see how people respond. Or use the newly announced Instagram Reels video feature. This can be your own personal learning environment. In fact, I gave a TEDx talk on the subject. It’s called How Social Media Can Make You a #LifelongLearner. Check it out for more ideas.

Follow New Voices

The move toward social justice through the Black Lives Matter movement and others can present an opportunity to seek out new voices and perspectives. It’s an ideal time to actively listen. On Instagram and Twitter, a few accounts I’m now following are Black Lives Matter and PrivtoProg. LinkedIn has a great feature in “My Network” where it suggests Black voices to follow and amplify. Mellody Hobson of Ariel Investments, Carla Harris of Morgan Stanley, and Karamo Brown of Netflix’s Queer Eye stood out to me. Mellody’s TED talk called Color blind or color brave? is excellent. Carla has leadership motivation for the ages in a talk she gave about how to own your power.

Say No to Negativity

With all the polarization in America, it has sometimes felt to me that I shouldn’t retreat into my own echo chamber of similar voices. Often, I kept people in my feed in the name of listening to a variety of perspectives. However, that doesn’t extend to negative, disrespectful, or incorrect information. It has become increasingly important to consider the source of information, whether it’s scientifically based, and how healthy it is. It’s okay to unfollow people, or to simply mute their content. There’s so much negativity in the world. Why perpetuate it by tolerating people’s feeds who are insulting your deeply held values?

In Closing …

People are spending more time on social media during the pandemic. Increased usage has plenty of downsides. However, with a slight shift in how you view social media, it can become a force for good in your life. With a spirit of curiosity and innovation, you can get playful and have some fun with it. I shared a few ideas here. How are you using social media to help you thrive and transform during this time?

 

How to Engage People with Your Social Media Content

What are the best content types to share in our stay-at-home, pandemic world? What do people most need right now? What are they seeking?

A place to start is with content that resonates with you. What are you looking for when you scroll through LinkedIn, Instagram, and Twitter?

Another consideration is experiences you’ve had or observations you’ve made about leading and navigating through work during a global pandemic.

Two hypotheses emerged for me.

First, people are looking for helpful content that informs them on topics of interest that solve a problem for them.

Second, people are attracted by inspiring content that motivates them to take action amidst difficult circumstances.

To test these hypotheses, I analyzed the last 60 days of my LinkedIn posts. I’ve been known to gather my own data on a spreadsheet and analyze it for unique learning.

If you post content regularly, I encourage you to do the same. It creates clarity about what’s resonating with people. In addition, it gives clues about what will be engaging in the near future.

Before getting into the data, it’s worth noting that views, likes, and comments are considered by some to be vanity metrics. Why? It can be difficult to link social media content to specific business outcomes. As I reviewed the last 60 days, though, it was clear that one-third of my new clients were people who saw my content on LinkedIn and reached out to me as a result. That’s why these metrics are valuable to me as a solopreneur. They may be helpful to you as well, depending your goals for social media in boosting your career.

My average was one post a week. Views ranged from 4,692 on the high side to 86 on the low side. Likes/reactions went from 113 to 3. Comments went from 34 to 0 (yes, zero; ouch!). In addition, by clicking on the number of post views, more data is available. This includes organizations, titles, and geographic areas of people who engaged with a post.

What did the two lowest-scoring posts have in common? They were both shares of someone else’s content. That was a valuable learning. From now on, I’ll make a substantive comment on content I find share-worthy. However, I won’t share it. Instead, I’ll create an original post on the topic, crediting and tagging the creator.

Looking at the top half of my posts, five themes emerged.

 

Big Brands

The post with the most reach was a farewell meeting as my my three-year term concluded on the USC Alumni Association Board of Governors, representing the Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism. With 60+ people on the board and more than 400,000 living alumni (Patrick Auerbach can always quote the exact number), potentially a large number of people might be interested. This post got more than 4,700 views and 113 likes. Thanking various people and tagging them, as well as including relevant hashtags, probably helped this post gain more exposure.

 

 

Giveaways

Thinking about what could help people right now, I remembered I had several copies of my book, What Successful People Do on Social Media: A Short Guide to Boosting Your Career. Why not offer some free copies? In a book giveaway post, I tagged the book’s editor and cover designer, along with people who gave the book 5-star ratings on Amazon. In under an hour, five people claimed their books, which were mailed out the next day. Others could still get a free workbook, Your Social Media Success Roadmap, with 50 questions, actions, and ideas about career building on social media. This post got more than 1,700 views. It had the most comments at 34. A few second-degree connections commented, and we’ve since connected with each other.

 

 

Media Quotes

As a result of commenting on U.S. Chamber of Commerce posts about marketing ideas for small businesses, I was interviewed for a few articles. Of the three I posted, the most engaging one was customer communication tips during Covid. Here I tagged the article author and the other contributors, in addition to connecting on LinkedIn with everyone involved. This post got more than 1,460 views, 22 likes, and 8 comments. My theory is this one performed the best because it had the most people tagged. And it was for an appropriate reason, because they were all quoted in the article as well.

 

Podcasts

A fellow grad-school alum, Randa Hinton, contacted me this spring for an informational interview. She introduced me to another alum, Anika Fisch, and we had chatted as well. A few weeks later, Randa and Anika invited me to a be a guest on their new podcast, Opportunity Unknown. They teamed up to share the journey of their job search in the middle of a global pandemic. It’s an excellent podcast, BTW, for anyone who’s looking for work right now … full of actionable advice and inspiration. This post got 1,379 views, 34 likes, and 4 comments.

 

 

Black Lives Matter

As a white person who wants to contribute to social equality and justice, reflect on and adjust my own behavior, and amplify Black voices, I struggled with how to engage on social with Black Lives Matter. Then I read a poignant op-ed in the LA Times by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. I shared his article, along with my thoughts. This post got more than 1,240 views and 26 likes. Of my recent posts, however, this was the only one that got zero comments. Hmmm. I’m not sure what that means. Perhaps people didn’t know what to say? Why do you think no one commented?

 

What’s Unique to You?

For the most part, these posts focused on what I’ve been doing in my consulting and coaching business. No doubt you are working on important projects, learning hard-won lessons, and achieving celebration-worthy victories with your colleagues. Your experiences might help someone else solve a problem or feel inspired to keep going on their own professional journey. What will you be sharing in the coming days? Please tag me so I can check it out!

 

 

3 Things Not to Share on Social Media in a Crisis (If Ever)

With 10 million confirmed Covid-19 cases in the world — and climbing — we are living through tough times.

The pandemic has wrought economic pressure. Layered over this is continuing civil unrest with the important aim of creating a just world for everyone.

There are actions we can all take to be part of the solutions to these issues. At the same time, consuming too much news right now may need its own form of social distancing, to maintain our resolve and perseverance in the face of adversity.

If you are working remotely from home and keeping yourself and your family healthy, you are lucky indeed.

Social media usage is hitting new highs. You may be using it more yourself, to keep in touch with family, friends, and colleagues.

As you do, how have you changed your approach? What have you done to re-calibrate the content you share?

Here are three things not to share on social media during today’s crises — or anytime in the future, for that matter.

Tone-Deaf Content

Have you seen posts that cheerfully and chirpily promote some new product or service, seemingly oblivious to the devastation going on all around us? This is tone-deaf content that it’s wise to avoid right now. Why? Because people won’t be paying attention to it. Content has to be presented within the complex context the world is in right now. If it’s not, it will be ignored. Your credibility will also suffer.

Self-Promoting Posts

Have you seen posts that come across as “all about me?” Content that is too self-promotional doesn’t work well in normal times. It falls even flatter in our pandemic era. No one wants to read about or watch someone else’s seemingly perfect life. It doesn’t connect with people. It does nothing to inform, inspire, or entertain. If your content is all about you, it’s best to skip it.

Questionable Sources

Have you seen posts that link to news sources you’ve never heard of? With so much misinformation floating around, it’s more important than ever to evaluate the sources of information you share. In addition to reading/viewing a link before you share it, carefully consider the source. Choose reputable news sources and exercise critical evaluation of any story or article before sharing it.

What to Share Instead

There you have it. These are the types of content it’s wise to steer clear of now, and in the future. What are better choices? Coming up in my next post are ideas about the best types of content to share during this global pandemic. What are you sharing that’s helping others during these turbulent times?