Brighten Someone’s Day

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Happiness guru Shawn Achor advocates doing one conscious act of kindness each day.

Last week I was lucky enough to hear him speak, after enjoying his TED talk and book about the happiness advantage.

He gave the specific example of writing a note of appreciation to a loved one. In addition to that, when I’m traveling, I like to brighten the day of someone I don’t know by leaving a note and a tip for the housekeeping staff at the hotel where I’m staying.

Because housekeeping is such hard work and the housekeeping staff is often forgotten, it brightens my day to think about the person who’s cleaning rooms coming across their note and their tip.

And while I do it for fun with no expectation of anything in return, it’s brought a smile to my face to see some return notes.

The one above was in our room yesterday when my daughter and I returned from our day of sightseeing in San Francisco. And I’ve returned to my room to some extra creative organizing of my toiletries and luggage at other hotels.

As Tony Schwartz wrote in The New York Times, “What’s most gratifying is the give for no other reason than because it feels good to give.” I couldn’t agree more.

Like Tony, I feel extremely fortunate to be able to do the kind of work that I do. And it makes me happy to brighten the day of someone who’s bringing a clean and comfortable experience to me while I’m on the road.

How Habits Enable Bigger Changes

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Once habits become part of a daily routine, they become a catalyst for other changes and function as the calm in the midst of a storm.

Habits can be a grounding a comforting force that enable you to navigate the really big changes in life. Maybe it’s a new career, evolving family relationships or a change in your health.

This became clear to me during this week’s road trip visiting colleges with my daughter. Although we’re in a place where in theory I should be right at home, I feel a bit out of my element.

Last night we took a dusk-to-dark drive along a beautiful yet desolate stretch of California’s Highway 1. We thought it would be fun to experience it. Even after a Google search surfaced something about a “devil’s slide,” we decided to go for it.

Yet the experience felt felt cold and foreboding at that time of day. The Pacific Ocean was more grey and angry looking than I’m used to seeing.

Maybe it was the absence of many other people and the familiarity of city life and civilization that felt different. If something happened to our car or if nature really asserted herself, could we handle it?

Surely we could. We know we can handle anything that comes our way. We can figure it out.

And seemingly a few minutes later we were steps from Union Square, checking into a boutique hotel. Being there re-energized us.

Yet as lovely (and trendy) as it was, I didn’t feel comfortable. I didn’t feel at home. That pushed me to remember that there are things to be discovered, learned and observed everywhere you go. You don’t have to be in your comfort zone to do it.

Part of that realization came from finding solace in the familiarity of my daily dozen. Writing my morning pages, getting some exercise and doing 10 minutes of Spanish calmed me down.

These are things I do each day, regardless of where I am or what else is happening. Doing them made me forget my unfamiliar surroundings. And even better, it moved me closer to my goals.

When it feels like everything around you is changing, it’s easier to be flexible and agile by staying grounded in a set of daily habits. Not to mention feeling healthier, more rested and better able to not only navigate change but to reap the benefits of it.

Road Trip

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Even when life doesn’t work out exactly as you planned, there is tremendous joy to be found.

My daughter and I discovered it today on a road trip through Northern California. She says it’s not a road trip because we flew from Los Angeles to San Francisco. Having driven more than 150 miles today, though, it’s a road trip in my book.

We’re visiting the two colleges she’ll choose between this month. There have certainly been twists and turns of unexpected developments. And surely there will be several more before the May 1 deadline to decide.

In the meantime, today was near perfect. There were several hours of talking, laughing and exploring with my daughter. There was a college visit, complete with surprises of its own. There was an alternate route to our home away from home, exploring some surprisingly desolate areas of the California coast.

And it’s a full circle and a homecoming of sorts for me, since my life began in the San Francisco Bay area. My mom’s side of the family came here well over 100 years ago.

Back to the present, it’s day 7 of my April adventure. Even in that short time I can feel the perfectionist tendencies giving way to the stronger desire to achieve this month’s goals. There’s more of a willingness to lean into the messiness of life, if it means I can hit my goal to do my daily dozen.

It happened last night with a civic committee I serve on in my town. A few minutes before the meeting began, I was asked if I’d mind chairing it.

Of course I could do that. Why? Because these last few days I’ve found I can get highly creative and do anything necessary to accomplish my most important goals.

By the end of the month, my hypothesis is two-fold. First, that I’ll have established a half-dozen new habits. Second, that a “most days” approach will work better than an “every day” approach for my daily dozen. Some days I have work commitments that run well into the evening, or a community meeting at night or a family member who wants to spend more time together.

Underlying all of this, though, is an undeniable truth. The power of small steps is starting to create bigger changes.