Aim High(er)

by | Apr 16, 2016 | Change, Learning, Work/Life

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Do you have a plan for your life? Have you set the bar high enough? Are you enjoying the journey?

Before the quarter-life crisis had a name, I navigated through mine in my 20s. As a result, I wrote out goals for my life. And I created a snapshot of a perfect day in my life, 20 years into the future.

At the time I was a struggling twentysomething. Relatively speaking. But it was an idyllic time compared with with journey in TV shows like Girls. Which my teenage daughter assures me has no basis in reality. How she would reach that conclusion, I’d rather not ponder. But I digress.

I was very specific in setting my goals. Get an advanced degree. Change careers. Meet and marry a wonderful partner. Have two children, a girl and a boy. Buy a house in a specific zip code. Become a vice president of corporate communications. Be active in the community. Have a family dog.

And the surprising – or maybe not so surprising – thing is that almost everything on the list came to be. And almost exactly as I had set forth. Or imagined. Or dreamed.

Today is my 22nd wedding anniversary. My husband and I had breakfast at a restaurant near the beach, along with our daughter and our son. They were even born in the exact order as I’d written down, years ago.

We dined outdoors, so our dog joined us. He was actually a later addition to our family than originally planned. About 5 years ago, we visited with a number of rescue dogs, and Kincaid jumped into our daughter’s lap. He chose us. It wasn’t until we brought him home that I realized he exactly fit the vision of the labrador that I’d imagined.

When I first wanted to change careers into corporate communications, I faced a lot of rejection. While my husband and I were on our honeymoon, the hiring manager for one of the jobs I’d interviewed for had made his decision. Unfortunately, it wasn’t me.

But less than a year later I finally landed that first job. And I finished my master’s degree a few months after that.

As it turned out, my marriage and my future employer launched in the same year. It wasn’t until a few years later, though, that I joined DIRECTV. A few years after that, I participated in a life-changing leadership development program through the Center for Creative Leadership.

We were each assigned an executive coach. I lucked out with a great one, whom I worked with for several years. I’m still haunted by her question when I told her my career goal was to become a VP of corporate communications. Her question? Why didn’t I want to be CEO?

Fast forwarding to a few years ago, as VP of corporate communications at DIRECTV, I found myself in the auditorium of Jordan High School in Los Angeles. Oprah Winfrey surprised students and some of our employees at an assembly as part of a DIRECTV day of service at the school.

Once everyone had settled down after the ecstatic surprise of Oprah making an appearance, she asked who could cite Newton’s third law of physics.

If you don’t remember your high school physics, as I didn’t that day, here it is. For every action, there is an an equal and opposite reaction. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Oprah repeated this several times.

And she shared with these high school students, every action you take in life will have an equal and opposite reaction. She talked about being an elementary school student and turning in an assignment early to see how her teachers would respond. She quickly learned that it earned her a reputation as a top student.

Of course, this was lost on my own children when I tried to recount the story and the lesson. Their teachers, they informed me solemnly, would not accept assignments early.

I thought about the Jordan High School students telling their kids a few decades from now about their visit with Oprah and how it had changed their lives.

Without saying it directly – or at least not that I remember – Oprah was inspiring these kids through her own example to aim high. Dream big. And work for it. If they can imagine it, they can do it.

And now that my two children are in high school, it’s odd and unexpected that I feel like I’m in my 20s again. Once again I’m trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. There’s that same feeling of forming ideas and options, trying out new selves, and giving myself permission to dream again. Wondering if it will all work out. And how.

A few years ago I was fortunate to join the Wall Street Journal’s Women in the Economy event. BET Networks CEO Debra Lee had an insightful question during one of the breakout sessions. What we are as a nation doing to tap the extensive expertise and energy of women whose children have grown and launched their own lives?

What I’ve learned from the first 20-year journey is that whatever you dream, imagine and work for will come to pass. So set your sights high. And then bump them up even further. Look for opportunities to help other people. Give back wherever and whenever you can.

This is advice I’m taking to heart as I plan the next 20-year journey. I also intend to enjoy it more, confident that much of it will happen. And there will be some amazing experiences along the way.

What’s on your 20-year journey?

Just Say Yes

by | Apr 14, 2016 | Learning, Work/Life

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This post is based on my inspiration at the April meeting of the Palos Verdes Chapter of National Charity League.

As parents, we spend a lot of time saying no. Right? Especially to our kids.

  • No, you can’t stay up all night.
  • No, you can’t miss school today because you didn’t finish your homework.
  • No, you can’t have friends over while I’m not home.

And we often say no to ourselves.

  • No, I can’t take time for myself.
  • No, I’d never be good at painting, dancing or other fill-in-the-blank activity
  • No, I can’t pursue my dreams while my kids are growing up.

But what if we paused and asked ourselves if there was a way we could say yes?

In my daughter’s freshman year in high school, she texted me the day before Halloween.

“Mom,” it read, “can I dye my hair for Halloween?”

Whaaaat? Visions of neon colors flashed across my eyes. And not in a good way.

I took a deep breath. And another. Then I responded. “What color?” I asked. The reply? “Brown. And it’s semi-permanent, so it’ll rinse out.”

What a relief. This was something I could say “yes” to. In these high school years, I’ve looked for times I can say yes. Then when I have to say no, my daughter won’t be able to say, “but you always say no.” Or, “you never say yes.”

In fact, “You never say yes to anything” was the catalyst for BIG changes in the life of Shonda Rhimes. She’s the creator, writer and producer of hit TV shows including Grey’s Anatomy and Scandal.

One Thanksgiving, as Shonda mentioned yet another invitation she’d declined, her sister muttered, “you never say yes to anything.”

Thus began Shonda’s “year of yes.” She decided for a whole year, she would say yes to anything that scared her.

Some of her invitations aren’t things that would happen to us – or at least not to me. Being the commencement speaker at Dartmouth. Going on the Jimmy Kimmel show. Joining Oprah for Super Soul Sunday. Losing 127 pounds!

But others very much speak to our lives. She decided whenever one of her 3 daughters asked her to play, she’d stop whatever she was doing and she would play.

She says after 15 minutes, your kids have had enough playtime, so you can go back to what you were doing. When she had this epiphany, she was in a ball gown about to head to a TV awards show. But she sat down, and she played.

Her TED talk explores the life-changing experience of play in her “year of yes.”

Here’s what she wrote about happiness.

“We believe happiness lies in following the same list of rules. In being more like everyone else. That? Is wrong. There is no list of rules. There is one rule. The rule is: there are no rules.

Happiness comes from living as you need to, as you want to. As your inner voice tells you to. Happiness comes from being who you actually are instead of who you think you are supposed to be. Don’t apologize. Don’t explain. Don’t ever feel less than.

When you feel the need to apologize or explain who you are, it means the voice in your head is telling you the wrong story. Wipe the slate clean. And rewrite it.

No fairy tales. Be your own narrator. And go for a happy ending. One foot in front of the other. You will make it.”

In closing, what will you say yes to today?

Make the Most of Your Minutes

by | Apr 13, 2016 | Learning

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Part of making the most of what you have is getting the most out of small snippets of time.

In my April adventure to do my daily dozen every day, I’ve not only found that minutes count. I’ve also learned that using these minutes has changed how I think about using time.

First, it focuses me on goals and accomplishments. Those are the priority items I work on each day. If those get done, I’ve made good progress.

Second, it crowds out busy work. Not everything needs to be done. Less essential tasks that might be tension-relieving to complete get squeezed out by more important actions.

Third, I’m becoming more comfortable with the messiness of life. That could be anything from slightly less perfect physical surroundings to a longer response time on non-urgent personal emails.

Fourth, it means leading a more digital life. I’m doing more things on the go. Waiting in line somewhere? My library of books is just a tap away. Appointment delayed? I can squeeze in my Spanish lesson.

Another minute-long activity is adding short tasks to a “power hour” list. This is a great concept by Gretchen Rubin to tackle uncompleted tasks that don’t have a deadline and therefore aren’t getting done.

The first task for my next power hour? Figuring out why Word Press doesn’t always display my personal photos as right side up on mobile devices (which may be why the clock pictured above from a Connecticut holiday visit may be appearing sideways).

It may not have been a coincidence that starting today your Google calendar will automatically find time in your schedule for your goals. While it sounds like there are some bugs to be worked out, the concept is intriguing.

How are you making your minutes count?